I Have a Likable Husband, and His Popularity Annoys Me!

6

I married a great guy. He’s a likable husband. I should be proud of that. I am proud of that. But I’m also annoyed by it, if I’m being honest. 

I am the wife of a likable husband. The grumpy baggage to his huggable, lovable, charming self, if you will. I don’t write this looking for reassurance from friends, I promise I don’t. I’m simply here to share what it is like to be the other person in a marriage with such a popular, lovable guy.

I’m not saying I’m not likable, but I’m not saying I am likable either. 

Truth is, I’m slightly socially awkward, goofy, and reserved, but also not. I get nervous in social situations and talk way too much, sometimes about complete nonsense. I do best by myself and with my family. And I like it that way!

likable husband, man with red beard and a baseball hat

My husband is quiet, barely says two sentences, and often appears unapproachable when he has his sunglasses on. But people are drawn to him. Once he lets that tough facade relax, he is friendly, lovable, playful, and genuine. Babies and grandmothers and everyone in between love my likable husband. I get it. I was drawn to him for those very reasons too.

While it may seem as if I’m jealous of him, I assure you I’m not. But it’s comical just how likable he is for a man of very few words. Maybe that’s the key to his popularity and my lack of it! 

I am irked by how naturally my husband accepts being adored. I feel as if I have to work at making people like me and to develop new friends. For example, my husband is now so close with someone that I grew up with, that I often forget they didn’t grow up together too! My likable husband is my best friend, but sometimes I feel like I’m in a friend-making and likability competition with him.

I think simple human nature explains best why my husband’s equanimity is so irritating to me.

We all have a basic human need to be liked, and it is a struggle to constantly wonder if I am liked for who I am, or simply for who my agreeable spouse is.

man with beard and sunglasses, woman with sunglasses

Deep down, I know I miss the friendships of my youth. Some of them are still there, but with distance and families, social media seems to be the only way we stay in touch. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my own bubble (i.e. at home.) This isn’t to say I don’t socialize, but if I had to choose between a night out with friends or a night at home… I’d choose home. With or without my family present (though I prefer their company).

Admittedly, I have distanced myself from my friends. This has nothing to do with them, and I miss them incredibly. I’ve distanced myself because of my own anxieties. I know how nervous I can be, and how annoying that can be to those around me. I’d rather pull away than be a bother. Which only serves to support my suspicion that I am the non-likable spouse in my marriage.

What does any of this have to do with having a likable husband? Everything! He’s likable because he doesn’t worry. He cares about others, but he doesn’t let their opinions of him control how he feels.

My likable husband is one of the most down to earth people I know. He can easily adapt to any situation, without stress or anxiety. This is what I believe makes him likable. I think my anxiety makes people shy away from me, despite my efforts to be easy-going. 

There is always the possibility that my guy isn’t the likable husband like I think he is. Maybe I just tell myself that he is friendlier than I am as self-justification for why I distance myself from social situations and don’t have as many deep friendships as he does. Perhaps the entire concept of a likable spouse is the musings of a still growing and slightly insecure woman? As I’m continuing to still find myself as a wife, as a mother, and as a grown woman, I also need to consider what I’ve done to make myself think I am unlikable, and work to change dynamics so that my husband and I are both likable.

So I ask you… are you the likable one, or is it your spouse? Or are you lucky enough to both be likable? I have a likable husband and this annoys me

6 COMMENTS

  1. Newcomer here and 100% relate to your dilemma. Except it actually does bug me and make me jealous more than it does you lol. Whenever we go out shopping, to fun events, or are just around other people and strangers everyone gravitates to my hubby and talks to him automatically (sometimes he initiates, other times they just come up to him). And generally they just ignore me expecting me not to talk because I automatically look like the quiet type who wont talk. It used to not bug me as much, but being married to an amazing sociable guy like him makes me feel a bit pressured to more charismatic as he is. I am also an introvert like you who tries to make an effort to talk to people, to be friendly and I just have zero charm. Even with kids. I jokingly ask him whats his secret and he just brushes it off. Glad to hear though its not only me! Generally I always hear about it being the other way around where the wife is the magnetic sociable one and the husband is the less social one.

  2. Thank you for such a great article! I can relate! I admire your honesty and your ability to open up and share what most would find very difficult to acknowledge, for whatever reasons.

  3. He’s a ginger…of course people are drawn to him. Coming from another ginger that tries to avoid people at all cost. It never fails though…they find me and tell their whole life story.

  4. I could have written this ?. But part of my issue I think is that I don’t notice when people make efforts to get to know me or spend time with me. I don’t show up often enough to things to get to know people and create lasting friendships. I’ve been burned a couple of times in the past few years by people I thought were close friends, which really doesn’t help my anxiety around relationships. But like you, I’m a homebody. At least I’m glad to know I’m not alone!

  5. I think what you’re missing is that your “likable” husband married YOU.

    You almost make it seem like only his personality type can be “likable” while I think that the very fact that your likable spouse married you proves that you are likable.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here