Bad Valentine’s Day gifts ruin the romance.
There is an image of Valentine’s Day as the most romantic day of the year. Couples eat candlelit dinners while listening to the sweet sounds of a string quartet. Beautiful bouquets of flowers are delivered all over town. However, this isn’t reality. Kids, work, and life in general put a damper on romantic plans. Even the most well-intentioned Valentine’s plans often fall short of ideal.
Here are some bad Valentine’s Day gifts that you definitely do not want to receive this year.
A half-eaten box of chocolates
If a half-eaten box of chocolates comes from your young children, it will be a story to laugh about when they grow older. It’s not so funny if your partner has already eaten half your gift. The only way a box of half-eaten chocolates is a sweet gesture is if you happen to be dating Forrest Gump.
Lingerie that is two sizes too small (or two sizes too big!)
It’s hard enough to feel sexy when you are rocking a mom bod. Picking out lingerie for someone else is always a tricky job. If your partner picks out something that is too small, you feel terrible. It feels like trying to stuff a whale into a string bikini. Then again, if the lingerie is too big, any woman will assume that means her partner thinks she’s fat. There are rarely any winners in the lingerie game despite what advertising would like us to believe.
This “gift” usually comes from your children, who thoughtfully bring it home from school. The flu will ensure that no one can leave the house. You’ll spend some quality family time together. In the bathroom. You won’t even get to finish your half-eaten box of chocolates.
A singing Valentine
This is a great gift for that outgoing person who loves attention. It is torture for shy people who definitely don’t need the stress of extra attention, especially out in public. I actually used to perform singing Valentines, which was a lot of fun! (For me, anyway.) I would like to apologize to all the cringing people who couldn’t wait for us to leave them alone. You really should blame your partner who sent the singing Valentine, though.
A giant teddy bear
This is such an exciting gift! For a six-year-old, that is. I don’t know of any grown women who want a gigantic stuffed bear. My house is already crammed full with a family’s worth of possessions. I don’t have space for a large bear. Besides, my dog will chew a hole in the darn thing within five minutes. She will appreciate the bear more than I will, however.
A card with the wrong name on it
When a card has the wrong name on it, your relationship is officially over. This is the kind of mistake that cannot be fixed. Either your partner is still obsessed with his ex or he is cheating on you. Throw him to the curb along with the giant teddy bear. Keep the half eaten chocolates as a consolation prize.
Dinner at a fast-food restaurant
This is only acceptable if you are under the age of 16. Fast-food is not special or romantic. It is fast and cheap for those days when your children need to be in three different places at once and you are nearly out of your mind. If you can’t afford dinner at a decent restaurant, you should cook something at home. At least that shows you are willing to put in more time and effort than it takes to roll through a drive-through.
Receiving no gift is the worst thing ever. At least your partner put in an effort to get you one of the previously mentioned bad Valentine’s Day gifts. At least they remembered you on Valentine’s Day. If you receive no gift, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Are you really dating? Or are you just friends with benefits? Or roommates? While you figure that out, go buy yourself a discounted box of chocolate on February 15th. At least you won’t have to share it.