These are days that I will remember for you.
These are the days that I will recall many times while you are growing up. These are the days that will fill my memories, for these days are precious. The heartbreaking commonality of all these days is that you two, my sweet boys, will not remember.
You will not be able to recall these times with words because you are so little.
You will not remember your first trip to the zoo. You won’t be able to recall that your favorite activity right now is to take all of the couch cushions off and jump fearlessly onto them. Jack, you won’t be able to recall how Daddy chases you through the house while you are wearing a wolf costume, but I will. Joe, you won’t remember that each day for the past 3 weeks you have tried relentlessly to ride the dog like a horse, but I will. I will be the keeper of your memories, your guide, confidant, and rock as you learn to navigate this crazy world.
You see, we currently live in a country divided. While some are calling it the end of the times, others are celebrating a time of change. Your dad and I have made a choice to not focus on the outside world, instead we have turned the focus inward, to our family of four. It is imperative to us to continue to focus on striving to raise the two of you to be the best versions of yourselves.
I have such a finite period of time with you two as babies and toddlers.
You have both already outgrown the baby stage and I am not exactly sure where the time has gone. I watch you both as you fall asleep and on most nights, tears fall from my eyes. My hopes and dreams for you two are beyond measure. I recount our days, minute by minute, evaluating ways that I can change to be better for you.
Before you were born I never realized I could obsess over something or someone as much. I’m sure I’m messing up no matter how much time, effort and love I put into doing my best for you. Jack, you hate vegetables and I should probably be making a bigger effort to make you eat them. I’ll let you in on a secret though: you’ve been drinking V8 juice that has vegetables in it. Joe, you’ve been nursing and co-sleeping for longer than I wanted. I’m really too tired to try to change this right now, and we’ll wean soon, maybe.
With all these “mess ups,” I have faith that I’m doing other things right. I make sure your bellies are full, I make sure you get outside to play each day, and you have unconditional love from me and Dad. I don’t know everything, but I know that love might be the most important thing.
When the world feels crazy and confusing, I will be here.
I want you to know I have always been here. Before I knew you, I was here, waiting for you. It’s as if I have always known you. These are the days, you make my days, you are my present, and you are my future. I will always be your Mama, you will always be my babies. Let the love always be a reminder.
