I’m going to have to pass on your Girl’s Night; I’d rather hang out with my husband and kids. Sorry, not sorry.
I feel so relieved to finally say it out loud. I know, it’s cool to complain about and put down our husbands. Ya know, girl power and all. Of course, there are definitely things he does that I’d like to vent about, at times. But, given the option to hang out with my husband or you; I’ll always pick him.
That’s why I agreed to marry him, for Pete’s sake! I didn’t choose him based solely on his looks (they helped, though). This might seem crazy, but I actually enjoy my husband’s company. I enjoy hearing about his day and telling him about mine. I look forward to chatting with him about TV show predictions and discussing current events. My absolute favorite thing to do is to fill him in on all of the crazy and hysterical things our kids have said that day. At the risk of sounding cliche, he is my best friend. And I’m not going to be made to feel ashamed of this any longer.
The thing is, my husband works a lot.
He works, on average, 11 hours a day, five days a week. Then, on the weekend, he puts in at least a few more hours each day. Additionally, he travels out-of-state for overnight trips a few times a month. I miss him, and when he’s home and not working, I don’t want to be anywhere else with anyone else.
I do not feel like I am missing out and I do not need a weekly girls night or girl time.
I chat with mom friends all day in group messages, Facebook groups, at school pick up and drop off, during after school playdates and at sports practices. I am in almost constant communication with other mom friends. I don’t feel lonely or unsupported. I have a village, and we talk regularly. My village does not need to interfere with my family time.
Furthermore, not only do I value time with my husband over time with other friends, but I also don’t feel like I need a break from my kids. They are at school all day. In fact, once school is over for the day, I really don’t want to give them up to anyone or anything else. As they are getting older, I find myself challenged by sports and activities that reduce our family time. I struggle to determine how much of the time I have with them I am willing to give to extracurricular activities. This is a constant internal battle for me.
I’m not saying that I want my family to be holed up in our house alone together like a pack of hermits (though sometimes in the winter, I might be tempted). I’d just prefer, on nights and weekends, to do things together with my family. For instance, on weekends in the winter, we ski together. During the spring, summer, and fall weekends, we hike, canoe, and swim together. We also enjoy hanging out as a family or as a couple with other families and couples. Couples bowling nights, bonfires, family pizza parties that turn into dance parties… we are here for that. Please invite us.
We aren’t antisocial, we just want to be together.
This does not make me an anti-feminist, weak, antisocial or any of the other things that have been implied about my choices. My husband is not controlling or overbearing. In fact, if I told him I was going out for a girls night (or even if I wanted to treat myself to something alone) he would encourage me and tell me to have fun.
So, friends, I’m tired. I’m tired of being ashamed that I enjoy my husband’s company. I’m tired of giving you lame excuses as to why I can’t do girls night. I just don’t want to. No more excuses. I’d just rather hang out with my husband, and I’d just rather spend time with my kids. I’m not judging your choices, so please stop judging mine.
I think there’s a fine balance between friend and family quality time. Although I love my girl friends, spending every other night with the same friend because they have no one else is very time consuming. I don’t have 12 hours a week to hear about the same problem without any efforts from them to resolve the issue. I never depend on them to that extent because I am not a counselor that is paid and trained to handle those matters. I think inconsiderate “friends” really push you into making extreme decisions.
I personally prefer quality time with my husband as we don’t have many issues in our day-to-day life and are very aligned with one another. He is always at peace, joyful and willing to problem solve. We both think time is best spent when being productive and almost think with the same mind. I love that man and am so thankful to have someone who equally cherishes me.
Why would I ever want to spend time with someone who isn’t trying to improve my quality of life? It really dampens your mood after as well. I don’t like bringing that energy to my home and especially to my husband.
I literally googled, “I only like hanging out with my husband,” to find that there are other smart and dedicated wives out there like me. I didn’t need confirmation, I just wanted to make sure something out in the internet la la land had mention of this trait not only being okay, but VERY healthy. Most people are not content with themselves enough to be alone at all and I was at that point even before marriage. My motto was, “it’s not finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.” Then he arrived lol.. My husband, and best friend, is an absolute bonus to life!! For me, I preferred working on myself, education, volunteering, gardening, painting, hiking, skiing, working, and the list goes on for the pursuit of hobby happiness and many goals over the energy sucking of female relationships that are not necessary to survive in society. I have lots of acquaintances, business associates, and friendly people in my community (like the nice girl at the grocery store) that gives me enough social interaction to last a month lol. I’m a humanitarian, Aquarian, and love many people in my life but I don’t think it’s necessary to have girlfriends if you don’t need them.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/natalie-villani/2017/03/9-reasons-why-intelligent-people-have-less-friends/
So basically what you’re saying is that the women in your life don’t matter, and you were just using us before you found your man. Cool, I’m glad I know to avoid giving you the time of day. Hope your marriage lasts forever, sweetheart!
People can do what they want and are not obligated to hang out. Of my marriage didn’t last I’d hang with myself. Good thing I don’t have friends so I don’t have to worry about hanging out with them to be considered a friend.
Hello! I am 22 years old and happily married. My husband and I don’t have kids, but I definitely resonate so much with what you wrote!! My husband is legitimately my best friend in the whole world and there is no one else that I would rather spend time with. No way would I ever choose a friends or girls night out over time with my husband. Like you said, he is my best friend and I too would not have married him if he wasn’t! So many people like to say that it’s “unhealthy” or try to say that your time should be divided more equally, to which I disagree. I think if you’re happy and satisfied with how you spend your time as a grown adult, then you should be free to do so without feeling ashamed. Took me a little while to truly believe that, but now I do and I’m never going back. I’m not saying that friends aren’t important or that you shouldn’t ever spend time with them when you are able to, but for me, they will never take priority over my husband. And if that makes me a bad friend, so be it. This is how I wish to live my life because it is what makes me the happiest.
Your husband needs you to have a girl’s night. Some things we talk about or need to talk about are for women’s ears and minds only. It will make you more interesting to him. He needs you to let him have time alone with the kids.
The kids need Dad to themselves, too. You all will grow and benefit from you having regular time with your girlfriends. It doesn’t have to be every week but it is important!
I have a hubby who doesn’t like to hang out with me… he likes to read and write. I don’t have kids and I’m very alone. I have a cat for company. It saddens me that people don’t have time for friendships anymore.
Does it have to be either/or?
As I read this, I could tell this was written by a person who wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with her family for whatever reason. Thankfully, I’m able to spend inordinate amounts of time with my husband and child, so I love my girls nights and would never give them up, and I don’t feel guilty in the slightest for leaving them to fend for themselves for a few hours. The daily texts with mom friends aren’t the same as hanging out with them in person.
Good gracious, judgmental much?! I love being with my family but also enjoy the very very rare game night or casual dinner with friends. We aren’t bashing husbands, we don’t love them any less and we certainly aren’t putting down the wives/moms who don’t join in. Either your shame is on you or you need new friends that don’t judge ironically the same way that you do.
So well said and I have always felt the exact same way. My friends know this and don’t invite me to that kind of stuff anymore and I couldn’t be happier about it. I’m glad to know other people feel the same way! My husband and kids are the best and there is no one I would rather spend time with.
I think it’s great that you value your relationship with your husband and kids, but it also makes you a crappy friend. What about friends who are still single or need support, and were there for you when you didn’t have a husband and kids? It’s basically saying, “You’re disposable, I was only using you until something better came along.” I believe in balance. And I’m not saying that you will, but, hypothetically, if you were to get a divorce…I’m certain that you’d go running right back to that girls’ night group.
I agree with this!
Great post! I think a lot of moms feel this way, kids grow up fast and i dont want to miss a moment without them. No where, dont want to go on vacation without them either, I dont care what anyone says, you do what you feel is good for you and ypur family
So going out for 1 girls night, and you’re gonna miss out on what exactly? Does that much exciting stuff happen at night when kids are usually ready for bed? That you would ‘miss out’? LETS FACE IT… there is wanting to spend time with hubby and kids, and then there is co dependency, using kids and husband as an unhealthy crutch to escape the world from, all under the guise as ‘Oh I just dont want to miss anything’, or ‘I want to hang with my hubby he is my best friend ‘…. Sure Jan. I dont want to miss a moment without them really? Get a life outside of your kids Polly Anna… you were a living breathing organism for them. Making your kids the center of the universe creates bratty narcissists, who think EVERYONE should treat them the same, Kids who learn unhealthy co dependent behavior they will mimic. You wouldn’t miss any pivotal moments of your kids life by having a girls night OR HAVING A LIFE PERIOD outside your home. It’s about finding a balance, instead of turning into those couples who then have kids, and they create these gross hybrid morphed all into one mess. Then what happens when your kids are off to college? LOL… You gonna move to the college campus because you DONT WANT TO MISS ANYTHING…. eye roll.
Been married for 35 years and have lived this for 35 years. Husband and family come first and because my husband makes our family a priority and works hard, this allowed me to be a stay at home mom I in turn make him my priority. All three of my children have graduated college and are beginning their own independent lives. I have many friends and have lunch dates and bible studies with ladies during the day. Night time is husband time. My three children appreciate the time we invested into our family. Coming from a divorced family I chose early in my marriage to make my husband and family a priority and so far it has worked beautifully.
Agreed completely! My life is too consumed with activities away from quality time with my kids and husband. This is my choice and what I love to do. I love being with my children and husband. I’m so grateful for them. My husband never discourages a girls night, but I’d rather be in with him and our kids. I love them and the time cherished with them with uninterrupted activities. Wish my single friends understood
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I would be more on board with this I’d you didn’t imply that girls night was simply for putting down husbands. It’s about developing relationships with other humans.
How you spend your time is definitely a very personal decision and no one needs an explanation for it. I don’t see why also making time for your friendships needs to be held in conflict to family time. As we get older our friends should recognize and support our changing priorities and lives. But those relationships (the legit important ones) should also be maintained and evolve. Sometimes a girls night stops becoming a night out clubbing and turns into girls game night or some other female bonding time that is so important (at least to me) You can do both (if you want).
Oh my goodness!! Thank you for writing this. Everyone is always asking me why I don’t have date nights or girls night out…they don’t understand that I WANT to be work my family. I chose to have a family and want to spend time with them. I want to enjoy our moments together especially when they are in school all day long. I love summers and weekends. I appreciate your honesty and your commitment to your husband and family. Great article and just what needs to be shared for others to understand!
Love this perspective. Cheers to family time and husband time.
Great post! You couldn’t have said it better. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with the person you married (family) over just some friends!
I love love LOVE this! I’m the same way. I love spending time with my kids and my husband. I have felt bad saying so, people seem to take it personally. I live in the south now where everyone knows everyone’s business and passing on a night out without an “excuse” seems unacceptable. I will definitely use this article and repost it! I’ve felt almost like I would be bragging if I tried to state that I’m happily married and love time with my kids but you put it so well.