Infertility and Friendship: Choosing to Love Well


Lullaby WishesBurlingtonVT Moms Blog is partnering with Northeastern Reproductive Medicine to bring you our latest series titled “Lullaby Wishes: raising infertility awareness.” 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility and yet the subject is often not openly discussed and seems to carry a stigma. Through this series we hope to open the dialogue and help women battling through infertility know that they are not alone. Thank you to the courageous women who have chosen to share their stories as part of this series, as we know that this topic is often deeply personal and difficult to discuss. Our desire is that those reading this series will find encouragement in the hope and beauty that is weaved into these stories of heartache, loss and love.

 Infertility and Friendship: Choosing to Love Well

Another friend announced their pregnancy today. What a delight. I rejoice with her and the tiny life that she is growing. Thankfully, each time I hear of another’s pregnancy, it gets a little easier to hear.

pregnancy stock

Easier, not easy.

As I sit with friends or listen to them over the phone and hear their joy, I know what they need from me.  They need to know that it’s okay to rejoice.

They need to know that even in my pain of infertility that I am glad for them.

I know that they probably wondered what it would be like to tell me about their pregnancy; wondered how I would handle it. I know that they want to feel their joy in every ounce of their being. They want to shout it from the rooftops. They want to share each amazing and minute detail of what is happening inside of them. But first, they need to know that I am okay with their rejoicing and that I can handle it. They need that from me. I know this and I understand it.

And so I cheer for them, yelling and laughing. I ask how they found out and how they told their husband. I inquire as to their due date and how they are feeling. I let them tell their child’s story. I love them… and I ache. This is a sacrifice for me, an act of love. It is not that I do not delight with them or rejoice, I do! It is simply that each time that I rejoice, I must remember anew that this will not be my story. And so as I cheer for you, I choose life over death. Each time I let you tell your story, I choose love over anger.

I choose to bless and honor your story, even as it highlights the pain in mine.

Outside of a miracle, my husband and I will never conceive. We experience the rare occurrence of unexplained male infertility. As my husband likes to say, “We are not struggling with infertility. We are infertile.” And there is much pain and longing associated with that.

So, believe me when I say that cheering for you involves pain for me.

That is in no way meant to make you feel badly or to rob you of any joy. I know full well how amazing what is happening inside of you is! It is simply to tell you that because I love you so, I delight with you. I will continue to ask you to tell your story. I will revel in the miracle with you!But when quiet falls and company has gone, I will sit and I will let myself feel the sacrifice. I will honor my own pain so that I can continue to rejoice in your hope!

There is a proverb that says that to kill a man you need not kill his physical body. Rather, kill the man’s spirit and it is the same as death. Real honesty requires that some days I experience this death. But each new day, I again face the choice to choose new life in the face of pain and denied longing.

Each day, I choose to love well despite what it costs me. I choose delight. I choose.

Northeastern Reproductive Medicine is graciously sponsoring our ‘’Lullaby Wishes: Raising Infertility Awareness” series…and we would not have it any other way!  We are passionate about all that they are doing for women and couples in our community, and we encourage you to contact them to help in your journey to becoming a mother too.

To learn more about Northeastern Reproductive Medicine or schedule an appointment, please contact ::

1 (802) 655-8888


info {at} nrmvt {dot} com

 Written by Amanda McGann

Amanda bioI’m a Midwest girl who’s a proud member of the Hoosier state (that’s Indiana for those who don’t know). After undergrad I found myself living in the Middle East where I met my amazing husband of 6 years, Gabriel, as he was passing through! We got married and I headed to graduate school to get a Masters in Counseling because I’m deeply passionate about pursuing emotional wholeness in life. After I graduated, we returned to my husband’s home state of Vermont to work with a faith-based outdoor ministry. Yep, we get to rock climb, hike, camp, and raft for a living! Just 3.5 months ago Gabriel and I adopted our sweet son Gideon (July 29, 2013) and have entered a new chapter in life, one with significantly less sleep! My days are currently split between hanging with Gideon and mentoring great women at UVM. I love dancing, laughing, and travel. I’m deeply passionate about living wholly, relationships, and silliness. And you’ll most frequently find me with a novel and a Mountain Dew!

Interesting Facts: I was born on the highway in a car (yep, my mom’s a stud!) I met my husband while living in Istanbul, Turkey and he was passing through for four days. It was a good four days!


  1. Yes. Such wisdom, grace, and insight. I love the part about honoring your pain-so important. It’s so wise to understand that joy and pain can exist together. Love you, friend!


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