When Tricia proposed the mini-series idea, A Week Without Makeup, I thought, “Sure! I’ll do that! No problem!”
I’m a stay at home mom. Most of my days are spent baking and cleaning and driving kids to things, it’s a no makeup required kind of job!
Day One: I went about my business. A trip to the grocery store was needed. I put on my makeup and off I went. Oops. I guess I do wear make up daily after all. I didn’t even think about it! It’s just second nature to smack on some foundation, blush, and eye-liner. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Day Two: A visit to the gym, a day at home cleaning, a night in with the boys. No makeup. No problem. I did feel a little ugly at the gym but decided I didn’t care. I’m happily married, why the heck do I need to look glossed up while sweating?! I don’t. So there!
Day Three: I have a meeting. With real adult human people. Obviously I have to wear makeup. I mean, these are real. adult. human. people. They can’t see me looking like this. No, sir. Not gonna happen. Full makeup applied.
Day Four: Headed to church. I put on makeup. I’m not going to church without makeup. Why? The people there know me the best and of all the people in the world, would be the last ones to judge me based on my face. They know me, inside and out. Why do I need makeup? I can’t though. I can’t go without it. Full makeup applied.
The gym is one thing. Meetings and gatherings where I’m face to face with people is another.
Hmmmm. I felt stuck. What was this? It wasn’t like I was just feeling vain. I really couldn’t do it. I felt gross and unpresentable. I felt chaotic and ugly. I began to think a little deeper about this whole no makeup project.
It occurred to me that presenting myself to people, face to face, without makeup on wasn’t because I was worried that they would think I was unattractive. It was the fear that they would see me as I really am. Not what I think they envision me to be.
They would see tired, exhausted, Tasha who does not have it all together. Who does not sleep well at night. Who ate ice cream for lunch. Who yelled at her kids. Who just didn’t get it right over and over again.
As if makeup can cover all of that up.
When I am dressed nicely and wearing pretty jewelry and have a nice layer of makeup on face, I feel put-together. I feel like I look like I have it all together. I look strong. I look kind and gentle. I look like I know what I’m doing. Even if I don’t.
That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a plastic case of colored powder.
I didn’t really get very far with the whole No Makeup, No Problem attitude. After much thinking, it appears that makeup is not the thing I should be worried about going without. Doubt. Guilt. Shame. These are the things I need to get out of my daily routine. I’m not perfect. Inside or out. And I don’t think anyone really expects me to be, besides myself. So maybe I’ll show up fully made-up and looking pretty but do a better job of letting my true self show a little more. It’s ok to have a bad day. You don’t have to hide it or feel bad about it. We are all a work in progress.
So I’m giving myself a guilt-free pass and pressing on. Because I’m worth it.