You know the feeling: You’re 5 weeks, 6 days postpartum, and you’re heading into your OB in the morning for the all-clear appointment. Your husband can barely sleep; it’s like Christmas Eve for him. He just can’t wait to dig into the presents under your tree (maybe a bush is more appropriate here? Whatever, it’s my analogy, just go with it.) You, on the other hand, have never been more hopeful that your stitches are miraculously still there, undissolved.
Ok, so I’m definitely projecting here – maybe you’re actually pumped to get back between the sheets with your partner after having a baby. But I am not. Present tense – because even though I had a baby months ago, I haven’t had sex yet.
Sex after kids is just not happening.
My poor husband has had such hopeful moments – like when he came with me to my IUD insertion appointment eight weeks after our baby was born. He was thinking he was finally going to “get it in,” but what he didn’t know then was that I was just trying to get it in before the end of the year while our deductible was paid. I’m talking about the IUD. Being economical is such a turn on. Foreplay, anyone?
I’m not really sure what the reason is for not wanting to have sex. Correction: I’m not sure WHICH of the following is my reason for not wanting to have sex:
- I hate him: Ok, it’s dramatic, I know. But do you ever just look at your spouse and think, I’d really like to punch you in the face right now? Anyone? Just me? My husband is SO NICE. Like, so nice. He compliments me, he’s patient and kind and a good dad and all that. But for some reason, every little thing he does or doesn’t do just gets under my skin. My fuse with him is short, and I wish it wasn’t. I also wish he’d put his damn dishes in the dishwasher.
- My body: I’m hyper-aware of the jiggly bits leftover from my pregnancy. Why does my stomach look like it’s frowning? It’s like my actual body has resting b. face. Also, I’m breastfeeding, so my baby is on my breasts every couple of hours. They need a break in between to recover. Finally, I have a three-year-old who for some reason thinks he needs to superman everywhere he goes, so I’m getting a workout every time he has to go potty. My body is tired.
- It hurts: I don’t actually know this for sure, but I’m assuming it will hurt. After my first was born, sex was unbearable. I ended up going to pelvic floor therapy, which fixed the problem, but I was traumatized after those first sex attempts postpartum. This time, I planned ahead and already did the pelvic floor therapy in advance, but I’m still terrified to test the results.
- I just don’t want to: This is probably the most honest reason I haven’t had sex yet. I really just don’t feel like it. I don’t know why. I hope my urge comes back soon, and I’m sure my husband does as well. But because he’s SO NICE, he doesn’t even mention it. He’s been patient and supportive and loving. Ugh, he’s so annoying.
Mommas, if you don’t want to have sex after kids, welcome to my club! I also want to reassure you that your sex drive will return! And I know what I’m saying- I have two kids, from two births, after all.