Things I never thought I’d say…EVER!

Let’s be honest here, we were way more civilized when we were single or married without kids.  I remember the “art” of conversation.  I remember being able to hold my own in a group of adults discussing current events, art, politics, history.  You name it I could talk about it with at least some eloquence.

And then I had kids and all that fancy talk flitted away like a dandelion puff. 

Come on, I know you can relate!  Here’s my top 20 list of things I NEVER thought I’d say EVER.

1.  I don’t care if your brother’s arm tastes like syrup, please don’t lick it.
2. There will be no butt sniffing in this house!
3. Did you flush that down the toilet?
4. What are you scratching with that spoon?
5. Please don’t lick my cheek!
6. Did you just pick your nose?  Are you going to eat it?  Ok.
7. Stop sucking on your big toe like it’s a lollipop!
8. Please stop eating/biting your finger and toe nails!
9. Yes, that IS a big poop!
10. If you continue to stick ______ up your nose it will get stuck!
11. No one wants to see or smell your butt!
12. Stop touching my boobs in public!
13. Don’t put your mouth on that unless you want your tongue to fall out from all the germs…yes it will fall out!
14. We only touch our privates in private…that’s why they are called PRIVATE!
15. Stop sitting on your brother!
16. Just because there was food on the floor doesn’t mean you should eat it.
17. If you continue to thrash your head around like that you’re going to hurt yourself!

    

18. Do you have a mute button?
19. There will be no farting or burping at the dinner table…EVER!
20. Can we talk about anything else besides poop, puke and pee?

I never thought in my entire life that bodily functions and body parts would constitute a HUGE part of my daily conversations.

So come on, share with me some of the choice things your littles have made you say!  I’d love to hear them.