Before I had children, I always said I wouldn’t turn into the type of parent who doesn’t have time for their non-parent friends. It never occurred to me that my non-parent friends would be the ones who push me away.
To be fair, most of my friends who don’t have children have continued to be a part of my life. They are supportive, patient, and understanding. They show interest in my daughters and want to spend time with them, as well as me.
But, I do have a few friendships that have suffered since I became a mother. At the risk of ticking some people off, I’m here to say: “It’s not me, it’s you.” Here are the top 5 reasons why we’re not really friends anymore:
5. You Trash-Talk Other Moms to Me
I get it — moms are annoying. They are, like, totally obsessed with their kids. Guess what? I’m no exception. I created two tiny humans and they are only mine to cherish for a very short time before they turn into tweens who are embarrassed by me, then teens who straight-up hate me, then adults with their own separate lives. So, right now, yes, they are my life. When you’re talking about how other moms we are friends with are so “ridiculous” about their kids, you’re actually talking about me, too.
4. You Unintentionally Body-Shame Me
When you say that you don’t want to have babies because you don’t want to be fat and you like wearing bikinis, that hurts me. I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but what I hear is “you’re fat and you have no business wearing bikinis.” I don’t want to be a cautionary tale.
3. You Facebook Eye-Roll Me
So I like to post a few pictures of my children on Facebook. OK, maybe I post a lot of pictures of my girls. The thing is my family doesn’t live here and neither does my husband’s. Why wouldn’t I take advantage of today’s technology so that the grandparents, uncles, aunties, and cousins can watch my little ones grow? If you feel a need to unfollow me because you can’t handle seeing cute photos of my daughters, then just go ahead and unfriend me altogether. I enjoy seeing your photos and reading your status updates about the things that are important to you; my family is important to me. Plus, it won’t be long before my daughters stop allowing me to post pictures of them.
2. You Don’t Invite Me Places
You’re right: A lot of parents do cut back on their social escapades. Maybe they don’t have babysitting options, maybe they are too tired to rally on a Friday night, or maybe their idea of fun has evolved into sitting on the couch and binge-watching Love on Netflix. Whatever their reasons, we should respect them. My husband and I? We like to go out. We have a babysitter at least every other weekend, if not more often. Please don’t assume that I don’t go to bars or concerts anymore just because I have small children. Please don’t assume that my man and I are home playing Jeopardy! marathons on a Saturday night. Yes, that may be true half the time, but the other half of the time we’re hitting the town in style, rolling in limos, sipping on champagne. Or, you know, bowling at Spare time or something.
1. You Hate Kids
Every time you scrunch up your nose and tell me how terrifying-slash-icky-slash-aggravating you find children, well, that’s kinda awkward for me. I feel like I made a batch of cupcakes and I’m super proud of them and you’re, like, ew. Cupcakes are gross. Call me sensitive, but after a while, I don’t want to hear about your distaste for cupcakes anymore.
Here’s the kicker: I am guilty of everything on this list. I acted the same way with my friends who became moms before I did. I’m sorry to those women for hurting them. I also know that you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.
Yes! The hard part for me is once I had a baby, I realized I was probably one of these people before I had a baby. It’s hard when you’re not in that lifestyle to always realize what you’re saying. I’ve been disappointed in how some friends have acted but like you I try to remember they don’t have bad intentions. They just don’t know.
You hit the nail on the head, Heather!