This post doesn’t contain anything related to parenting or any wistful insight about motherhood. In fact, right now I feel like I’m coasting along here with this parenting thing. My son and I are getting along famously, except for the occasional outburst, usually caused by a bout of hunger and/or overtiredness…on both of our parts. My daughter is…well…she’s 2.5 years old going on 16 so…yeah. Marriage is blissful, more or less. Things are in a natural flow moment right now. But not to worry, check back in with me in a few weeks, or days for that matter, I’m sure something will snap or break or build a nest in our home….wait? What?
We have squirrels living underneath our solar panels, bunnies eating my newly planted flowers, ants eating the goldfish crumbs under our couch, and swallows making nests in our garage.
It’s a goddamned nature preserve up in suburban South Burlington, Vermont. I should have known it was bound to happen.
I love nature and I especially love animals-smallish animals. I love the occasional hike, if only to smell the fresh air and watch the toy sized animals frolic about from a distance. I have irrational fears of bears and yetis, so I don’t hike by myself. I had 6 cats at 3 dogs growing up. I spent the first few years of my life living on a farm. My father worked days and my mother worked nights. When I got to be too much for my mother and she needed a break, she’d send me outside to play in my sandbox with the chickens. Most kids had normal neighbors and normal play dates…I had chickens. If a bird fell out of its nest, my parents would rescue it, feed it pureed baby food and nurse it back to health. It wasn’t unusual for a stray cat to show up on our back porch looking for food only to be swooped up and adopted immediately by my family.
We currently don’t have any pets. My husband is allergic to cats so that will never happen. *single tear* Although I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that when I go for runs around the block I stare down neighborhood cats in the hopes that our eyes will lock and one will follow me home. Getting a dog is on the horizon. In the meantime, I’ve been nurturing nature in my backyard. I feel like Ace Ventura Pet Detective.
The plus side of feeding birds and animals in my yard:
–Learning opportunities and non-screen entertainment: I drink my coffee in the morning and watch the birds inhale sunflower seeds. I’ve seen a variety of birds: goldfinch, hummingbirds, cardinals, blue jays, red wing black birds, chickadees, and wait for it…pigeons. PIGEONS! A few weeks ago, I walked by a house in our neighborhood and they only had pigeons at their bird feeder. I said to myself, “haaa, that sucks…they have pigeons at their feeder, and I have beautiful song birds.” From my mouth to God’s ears….two days later the pigeons joined in at the all-you-can-eat buffet at Chez Polifka-Rivas. I try and use it as a learning opportunity for my children—hey look, that’s the pigeon that wants to drive a bus! Maybe he wants a hot dog. My commentary is met with rolled eyes and “Mom, can I have some more orange juice?” while one continues to watch Cailliou and the other zones out on Minecraft.
The Downsides of feeding birds and other animals in my yard:
–Squirrels have taken a home under our solar panels. They have a nest with babies. I rescued three of them from a drain pipe a month ago. I could hear the squealing and like a good pet detective went outside, took apart the gutter drain pipe and out popped three small and very wet baby squirrels. I actually picked one up and placed it back in the tree for its very upset mother. Bucket list right there: holding a baby squirrel…seriously.
–Not only do we have squirrels but we have a skunk that rummages around in our back yard at night leaving huge piles of feces right near the bottom of the slide that my children use on a daily basis. “Hold on Ruby, don’t go down the slide yet, Mommy has to get a shovel and pick up the skunk turds.” One night while watching TV I heard what sounded like someone outside my window eating potato chips. I thought it was one of the escaped convicts looking in to watch the new episodes of Orange is the New Black. But to my surprise, it was a skunk—eating birdseed shells. The good news is that Skunky (that’s what we’ve named her), eats the grubs in our lawn. So win-win…sort of.
–The Bunnies are eating my beloved flowers. Lord help them if they get up on our raised vegetable garden bins. As I write this, I am watching a bunny hop up my front step and now he is munching on my welcome mat. I cannot make this sh*t up.
–And finally, I discovered two swallows making a nest in our garage this weekend. We lovingly named them Wesley and Buttercup (Princess Bride, anyone?!). They were flying in when we opened up the garage door, and would sleep there during the night. I started figuring out ways to make a permanent hole in our garage so they could come and go as they please. Then I did some research and found out that swallows make nests out of mud, carry some sort of bed-bug- like tick, and once they make a nest in a specific place, they come back year after year…and so do their babies. No big deal…just a swallow family reunion every summer. Plus the bed-bug-like tick sort of sealed the deal for me. So I climbed a ladder while my 2 year old spotted me, and tore down the nest. Don’t worry, I checked first to make sure there were no eggs in it. I mean, really, I support the “no mommy wars” ideaology, even across species so if there were eggs in the nest I would have just sucked it up and let them move in for the season. The nest wasn’t even that well established yet anyway. They say that putting up a fake owl can deter birds from nesting in your garage. Unfortunately I didn’t have a plastic owl, so instead I rummaged around in the children’s toy box and found the most menacing toy I could find: A plastic Cerebus…you know..the three headed dog from Greek mythology.
This is my life. I said I liked nature, right? Anyway, I gotta end this post and go refill the squirrel feeder, chase away the cotton butt bunny, and do a quick sweep around the back yard for skunk treasure.
